Respect for Bear Grylls & the malted milk life.

Well what an African adventure it has been already! I’ll keep it brief as there’s so much to fit in but questions are welcome!
So trust me to be stuck on an 11-hour flight with a Scotsman and his rowdy girlfriend getting absolutely paralytic. They drunk so much that the cabin crew refused to give them anymore. Luckily I managed to fall asleep for about 12 minutes after a ‘dinner’ of rice and sweet potato because they had run out of chicken. Anyway, I powered through the night watching episodes of Friends and Family Guy and then it was soon morning. Just as Peter Griffin was shouting something racist as per, the cabin crew cut in to announce that the chillers had broken overnight so there would be no breakfast! To which mr & mrs intoxicated began shouting slurs such as “I WANT MY MONEY BACK” and “this is a motherf****** joke man!” Delightful. In times like these I reacted in the only way I really know how, I got out my malted milk biscuits and offered them around the plane. (Good deed of the day – check!)
After finally getting off the plane, through African security and onto baggage claim, I couldn’t wait to just be at the film school! As I stared at the conveyor belt of luggage I was dreaming of the elephants I would be seeing in just a few days!! I stared, and stared and stared…..wait a minute, where’s my luggage….
Long story short some idiot had taken my suitcase, mistaking it for his own and had rushed off to who knows where, in Africa.
I’ve been in the same clothes and underwear for three days and three nights and still no sign of my belongings (pray for me). All I can do is munch on a malted milk when anxiety kicks in.
Nevertheless I powered on, excited to get to the accommodation. What I was met with was…a little different to what I expected. When I say I am living in a forest I cannot even express how in the forest I am. Imagine the amazon rainforest, mixed with Surrey’s Devils Punchbowl. We have to traipse down/up a mudslide to get in/out of it every day and night, and just as we were dropped off there we were told “watch out for leopards! Oh and it’s snake season” Erm….sorry what?

Following on from this excitement, our first trip was to Monkeyland. Now anyone who knows me knows I don’t like monkeys, I fast-forward them in documentaries and I close my eyes when King Louie dances with Mowgli. Brace yourself Jessica, there might be quite a few monkeys in here. As I stepped through the “enter at your own risk” barrier, I soon found out that there were in fact 500 free-roaming monkeys through this forest! !! How I see it now in my head is like the scene in Tarzan where Jane is trying to escape from the hundreds of baboons swinging through the trees. What I imagined as my worst nightmare wasn’t actually that bad after I gave myself a talking to and stayed calm. Dealing with another fear, ticked off the list.
So this is the life I’m living now, Bear Grylls ain’t got nothin’ on me ay?!
Let’s see what happens next…

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